I've put off writing a blog for so long, I almost felt like I wouldn't know what to write before I sat down. But I said to myself, "fuck it", and made the decision to write whatever came out.
There's been a lot going on in the last few months. I missed almost three full months of updating. I've got a new niece, but I touched upon that only briefly in the last blog. I hadn't even seen pictures of her at that point. But now, I've seen pictures, videos, and I've even "talked" to her on Skype. Along with one other thing, the birth of my niece was the high point of my entire summer. It's only a few short days now, and I will finally get to meet Isabelle Sophie. I can't wait to meet her, to hold her, to hear her cry, to change her diapers, to feed her, to be the best damn uncle anyone's ever had. As much as I felt I was changed when I found out my sister was pregnant in the first place, the first time I hold Isabelle is going to be another monumental experience. She's going to be the most loved little girl to ever grace the planet with her presence.
And now that we're on the topic of love, I feel as though it's time I talk about the other high point of my summer.
Erin McGuire.
It never did get to the point where I could officially call her my girl, but in my heart, she's been my girl since the day I laid eyes on her. Since the last time I updated on her, we've been through a few shitty times. Both of us have tried to keep away from each other, given the negative reaction Erin's parents would give if they knew about us, but I can't stay away.
Erin makes me feel like I've always wanted to. She gives me joy and hope, and makes me smile. I'm a different person when she's around; but I'm better. Looking at the girl gives me confidence. Sure, the ten year gap in age may seem like a little much to some people, but I have never ever met anyone I fit with so perfectly. She laughs at my jokes and makes me feel better when I'm down. She was there for me every single time I needed a hug this summer.
So I just can't say good-bye to her. Like I said, we've made attempts at taking a break, and to be honest, they haven't lasted much longer than a week or two at a time. I'm drawn to Erin McGuire like I haven't been drawn to anyone in my life. She's the brightest ray of sunshine in my life, and I am very thankful that I was fortunate enough to meet her. I just know she'd fit in with the rest of my family. :)
On to the school thing...
It's a little fucked this year. I like it, and realize that I need a degree to really get ahead in life, but there's just this little voice in the back of my head that keeps on telling me I shouldn't be at MUN. The more I think about having to spend four or five more years in school, the less appealing the idea is. I want to be out there and working. I want to be making money.
It just sucks, because I can't make money and raise a family doing minimum wage jobs. I'm conflicted, to say the least.
It's a little fucked this year. I like it, and realize that I need a degree to really get ahead in life, but there's just this little voice in the back of my head that keeps on telling me I shouldn't be at MUN. The more I think about having to spend four or five more years in school, the less appealing the idea is. I want to be out there and working. I want to be making money.
It just sucks, because I can't make money and raise a family doing minimum wage jobs. I'm conflicted, to say the least.
I did say 2009 was gonna be a year of major change, didn't I?
Well it ain't over yet.
I'm gonna try and be a little more frequent with these blogs now. I know this one may not be up to speed with the rest of 'em, but I just had to shake off the cobwebs.
