"Start the day with a friendly voice; a companion unobtrusive"

A few random thoughts from me, just to start 'er off.


I think right-handed people are weird. (i'm left handed)
I like rappers who talk about shit other than bitches and blunts. Tupac Shakur was a perfect example of this. He made rap mean something.
I'm pretty much obsessed with boobs.
I like a girl with a curvy, hourglass-type figure. The curvier, the better. Baby gotta have back.
I miss Conan O'Brien's beard.
I idolize Mr. T.
I want my own talk show.



Okay, another day is nearly over. There's not really much to talk about today. I think I covered the last couple of days in last night's blog, but like I said before... If you don't use it, you lose it. Writing daily is a good way to keep my mind sharp. It helps me think. Now that the weed's pretty much gone from my system, I need to have something to bring my mind back up to the way it once was.
If I'm gonna be a student, I want to have myself at proper working condition, or what have you, y'know what I mean?
It's like running a car, and taking it for a tune-up, or check-up, or whatever you call it, every once in awhile. I've never driven a car (legally or not), so I don't really know much about cars at all.

Speaking of cars, I'm a shitty driver... in video games. Even as far back as Mario Kart for the SNES, I've been shitty. Hell, even Pole Position on the Commodore 64 used to kick my ass. Point of it is, I just don't understand the physics of a car. I guess it would make sense to get my license... and, well, I really should do it. Even if I don't get a car, it wouldn't hurt to know how to drive.
But I'm at the point where I don't need one. It's a burden on the environment. When I move to St. John's, I can take the bus. If I can't take the bus, I'll get a cab. If that doesn't work, I'll walk.
I'm aware of the negative stigma attached to some people riding the bus. There's plenty of creepers that use it.
But I'm doing my part to help the environment by not driving a car. Public transit really is the way to go... Just because the "bums and scourge of the earth" tend to "take it easy when they take the bus", doesn't mean we as a people can't use it as well.
It's only.. what... two bucks, plus a quarter. That's nothing.
Think about the amount of money you spend each month to keep a car on the road. There's car payments (possibly), insurance, GAS, and upkeep.

Riding the bus costs nothing. Those days when it's nice enough to walk, it costs nothing at all!!
And taking a taxi is inconsequential. At most, it'll cost you $20 to get from point A to point B. Once or twice a month, that's really not too bad, compared to the hundreds one would spend in keeping their precious car on the road.
The money I'd save in using public transit, and my own two feet for that matter, is worth it, when I think about that lack of freedom.

Besides, "drivers" are lazy. They don't wanna walk anywhere. Walking really is a great activity. I've spent many a day in St. John's walking around Water Street, thankful for my feet. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Water Street.
It's a (not so secret) desire of mine to walk down the street with a lady, holding hands, during the summertime.
Doesn't sound like much.... Not to the ones who don't appreciate little things... but to me, it would mean something.
Words don't need to be spoken. Just eye contact.
I can say more with my eyes and my hands than I could ever hope to with my lips.


And there I go again, starting to lament the fact that I'm still alone at twenty eight.


Being lonely/alone sucks.

That's why I've got music!! Music and books. And Blue Kaffee.
And Facebook. And LOLcats.

God bless the internet. God bless every last kilobyte.
God bless women with dark hair and blue eyes.

It's funny I say that... "god bless".
It's not that I don't believe in God.
Because I don't NOT believe.

But I'm not a hundred percent sure on the existance of one great creator.
The bible completely disregards dinosaurs.
There's irreputable proof that dinosaurs existed millions of years before humans ever walked the earth... So if that's the case, how did Adam and Eve come about? Or did God come about after the dinosaurs left? Did his existance start as a result of those giant creatures of the earth left.
Oooooooooh I could go on and on about this. Religion is a touchy subject with me.
I don't want to flat out say I'm willing to renounce catholocism (i was raised roman catholic), or religion in general, but I don't agree with church. Religion separates people.

I'm gonna end it there. Not that I'm worried about offending people. That's never been a concern of mine.
The thing is... Jeopardy is on. And I don't miss that.
And then, after Jeopardy is Law and Order: SVU.

So I guess that means you'll see me tomorrow night, quite possibly.

And I still have to write those love letters to my non-existant lover.
And I still have to write those sexy stories, too.

"The best fuck you'll ever have could come from a workin' man"

I've said it before, and I'll say it again.

I love Buckcherry. If Mick Jagger and Steve Tyler had sex (and well, they probably did back in the 70's)... If they could actually procreate, then their baby would look like Josh Todd, the lead singer of Buckcherry.
And if Aerosmith and AC/DC's music could have a baby, it would sound like Buckcherry.
That's my take on things.

And well, in my world, that's all that matters. I'm not in this world for anyone else but me.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh FREE BIRD.... I haven't actually listened to this song in ages. Actually, I kinda did a little fast forward to the solo. It's my favorite piece of music of ALL TIME. I LOVE this solo to the point where I've put the song on repeat over and over and over again.
If I knew how to play solo's on guitar, there's no doubt in my mind I could pull this one off. All three leads, as a matter of fact. I have listened to it that many times.
Come to think of it, I managed to pull it off while playing my saxophone once. Mind you, I was trippin' balls on ecstacy, but I had my musical wits about me.
Any musicians, or artists in general, will know what I'm talking about. Certain drugs that affect the mind bring out the music in you. I'm not saying one needs drugs to play good music, but god damn does it ever help sometimes. I believe the E really dulled my inhibitions, and as a result I was fearless in playing the solo. It was almost as if I wasn't even playing. My fingers fucked that saxophone as if it were a cheap whore in an alleyway.

Hmm... a thought just occured to me when I wrote that last sentence.
I tend to tie a lot of things back to sex. I can compare pretty much anything in this world to something sexual. Does it have to do with my drive? My libido?
Yeah, quite possibly. As I said in a few blogs back, I'm a very sexual person. Music, in turn, makes me feel sexy. Certain music can put me into certain moods... KoRn, Buckcherry, and the heavy stuff, makes me just wanna fuck. Lynyrd Skynyrd is more of a "Oh man, let's just smoke a couple joints on a saturday afternoon, have sex and listen to music and have a great time" kinda feel; for me anyways.
"Making love" music would be something like... I dunno... Michael Bublé, Barry White.... you get the idea. Maybe Norah Jones, even. I really dig her, too.

I've gotta stop talking about sex. You're gonna think I'm some kinda pervy sex-freak... I think out of the last six blogs, five of them have mentioned sex in one way or another.

Actually, a friend who reads these blogs said something to me about the power of my words. I care not to go into detail, but it gave me an idea.
I've written a few fictional pieces about a crazy guy (named Martin) who kills people for fun, and really fucks them up. If I can turn that energy into a sexual thing, I think I could come up with some pretty good pornographic material. It would definitely be a good way to release this sexual energy I've got inside me, without either: A) masturbating too much, or B) sleeping with just anyone.

Lord knows my imagination is wild enough to come up with something decent. Just keep your eye out for something.

My only worry is that if I actually put some work into it, and make an effort, whatever I write is definitely going to come across as pretty pornographic, and I don't quite know the the regulations on that sort of thing. My thoughts alone are pretty graphic, and when I turn those thoughts into words, they could be quite powerful.
So if anyone knows anything about the ins and outs (pardon the pun there) on publishing pornographic literature, let me know.

You know what's a really haunting song? "Street Spirit", by Radiohead. It's actually pretty old... if I'm not mistaken, I remember hearing this back in grade 12, and that was eleven years ago. It was on the same album as "High and Dry" and "Fake Plastic Trees", along with another really popular single that I can't recall the name of at the moment... that particular video had a bunch of people lying down all over the street... that's all I remember about it. But it was the biggest hit on the record.
So back to the song... I think it's my next "wannabe" project. I'm gonna search around for the chords and figure it out on piano...
As much as I don't like Radiohead, Thom Yorke has a really beautiful voice. It's, like I said, haunting... Well, when he's singing the right song, anyhow. Even "High and Dry" is a great song.
But "Street Spirit" would be easier to play on piano.

I wish I had someone to play with out here. I'd love to sit down with someone and just bang out some shit on the piano, with them playing guitar. Nothing really serious... Just play some music for the sake of playing music.
That'd make me pretty happy.
Almost as happy as writing makes me.

Speaking of writing... My cousin and her husband stopped in this evening for supper, and are currently staying the night. They're both teachers, and we ended up having a conversation about just that... teaching. That's my eventual plan. To teach. Especially after talking with the two of them. I realize there's plenty of work to be done, but if there's ever been a time in my life where I'm in the position to go back to school, now is that time. Getting my Master's is important, and if it means I'm not out of school until I'm in my mid 30's, then so be it.
Like I've a lot in the past while, if I can't support myself, then how can I expect to support a family?
And having a family is just as important to me as getting the proper education.

It seems I've got the right idea. I've got the tools to put this plan into action.
September seems like so far away at this point.

Who knows... I'll be fourty before I know it.
Seems like it was only yesterday I turned twenty. I'll be thrity in about a year and a half.

Growing up sucks. I want to have fun forever.

Okay, I'm starting to get a little sad now...

keep on the lookout for that sexy stuff, though.

"What a fine mess I got myself into this time. Who'd have thought a guy like me could crumble?"

Seems like nearly all my blogs lately have something to do with some kinda music I enjoy...
Well, today's is no different.

I really dig Matt Dusk... For anyone who's not familiar, he is to Tony Bennett as Micheal Bublé is to Frank Sinatra. I don't expect most people reading this to really get the comparison I'm making, but trust me, it makes sense.
If it doesn't make sense to you, then I suggest you go download some Bennett, Sinatra, and Bublé. Oh, and Mr. Dusk, as well.
While you're at it, open up your mind and download Moonlight Sonata, as well. Why not throw in a little Dean Martin, too?

Okay, on to today's bitch-fest.
I went to the hospital today... I wouldn't call her a shrink... Maybe therapist is a more apt description. I don't really need/want to get into alot of detail, but I will say I came away from the meeting with two distinct and opposite feelings/opinions on the whole thing.
First of all, she put things into perspective for me. Maybe pot really was my problem for the last ten years. It wasn't until I started getting high all the time that shit really went downhill.
And while I've only been completely 100% pot-free for about two weeks, I do feel better.
I know, I know, I've pretty much already talked about that.
I dunno if I can completely put into words what I'm trying to get across here.

Secondly, if all meetings are going to be like the first one, then therapists are full of shit. She really told me things I already knew. She reinforced certain things I've been thinking about since I made the decision to try and get therapy/quit weed in the first place.

I'm going to be honest about something...
I'm only doing this to please my parents. After today, I'm only stronger in my belief that I don't really need professional help. I'm a little neurotic; there's no doubting that. But the world needs people like me. I don't want to get therapy if it means I'll "fit in with society" a little better.
I've stuck out like a sore thumb my whole life.
I'm comfortable (to a degree) with that. I like the fact that I'm different from everyone else.
I have no desire to "go with the flow" as far as life in the real world goes. Doing my own thing is more and more appealing as the days go by.

Of course, I realize I have to get an education. I've thought that to be necessary for ten years now. But pot has killed my motivation, and I'm slowly (but surely) gaining momentum again. I know that I'm not gonna get the kind of girl I want to attract if I'm doing the minimum wage thing for the rest of my life.
I'm better than that.
I'd like to find someone who has self-respect. Someone who's intelligent, but who's also down with "your mother" jokes. That kinda foolish humor.
Someone who can laugh at Family Guy, or even South Park.

Okay, stop the tangents, Matty...

I'm talkin' about education here. I know I need to at least get myself a degree... and majoring in linguistics, which is the plan, will help me greatly as far as the writing goes. I know I have a talent with this, and I can only go up from here.
I'll be the first to admit, I don't know exactly where I'm gonna end up after the degree is finished, but at least I'll be in a better place than I am now. I talked about teaching before; that is still an option.
If anyone can tell kids about the dangers of smoking pot, it's me. I know first hand how much bullshit it is when someone says "pot's not an addiction". It is.


Okayyyyyyyy I gotta stop talking about pot.
If I'm gonna talk about something I love that I'm not getting any of, it should be sex. At least sex is good for you.
Gotta be done right, now..
None of that makin' love stuff... Don't get me wrong, making love is amazing when you're with the one you love.

But so is fuckin'. That sweaty, tear up the bedsheets, bruising the thighs, screamin' for more, wake the neighbours kinda fuckin'. That's the stuff that burns calories.

Ahhh me need it.

Okay, enough of that.

Y'know what song just came on?
Lady in Red, by Chris DeBurgh. (is that spelled right?)
I'm gonna go now before I start off on another tangent.
There's only one person reading this that knows what I'm talking about, too. And yes, I'm crazy. But no, I'm not gonna forget about it.
When one sets of fireworks inside your heart by just making eyecontact with you.... no matter what transpires..... no matter how much time passes....
well....
that's just how things roll sometimes.

But yeah, I'm a little nuts.


Okay, good night for now. Oh, and Martin's gonna be around later. Watch out for him.

"You can keep your toys in the drawer tonight"

If there was ever a time I've wanted to forget the fact that I quit smoking, it's now.

This life I'm living right now (which really isn't much of one) is non-conducive in my efforts to keep tobacco out of body. I'm twenty eight and still living with my parents. The relationship between me and my father is constantly being strained and tested.
We've always stood on slightly rocky ground, but it was much much better when I lived away. We are too much alike as people, and as such, when we spend so much time around each other, we clash.
A LOT.
He thinks he's constantly right in his decisions, as do I...
constantly think I'M right, that is.

And we've both got hair-trigger tempers.
But I'm usually really really good at controlling myself, as is my father. I'm doing better than I gave myself credit for since I quit smoking.

But in the last month, things have gotten progressively worse. I get tense when he speaks to me. He doesn't say anything wrong, or negative, but I just get short. Frustrated. Irked.
And I don't like it.
What scares me is that I've got six more months of this shit, and if I don't find a way to make things better, I'm going to end up becoming a smoker again.

Being alone in this town has alot to do with the way I react to situations. I haven't had human interaction with anyone other than my parents in three weeks. I have no friends here. None. Zero. The people I could possibly hang out with are all potheads, and that's exactly the type of person I don't need to be around. I'd rather be alone than interact with a bunch of fuckin' stoners. At least the fuckin' stoners that live HERE. They remind me too much of the life I once lived. The life I want to get away from. I can and WILL do better for myself than to live and die in this piece of shit town that has nothing to offer me.

Mind you, I used to be a stoner, and I would still smoke the odd spliff from time to time. Compare it to someone who likes a beer once in a blue moon. You wouldn't call them an alcoholic, would you? I think not.

But weed has such a stigma; it's such a taboo subject around alot of people that I'm afraid to say to even ONE person that I enjoy it.

Okay, without going off on a crazy tangent about my thoughts and beliefs on marijuana, I'm gonna change the subject completely.

Hmm...
But what could I talk about that I haven't already touched on in the last month and a half? My appointment with the shrink is tomorrow. I look forward to it. Maybe I can get some insight as to why I react the way I do in certain situations.
I used to be able to cope with things much easier when I was high all the time. Was that because I just didn't care, or because pot really did help me cope with things? Maybe I can figure that out in the coming months before I leave for the yet-to-be-explored world of post-secondary education.

I know... I haven't talked about my love for another band yet... the Crash Test Dummies. I LOVE them. I don't talk about it often because, well, most people think that's pretty queer. I love 'em enough that I'm able to do a pretty damn good impersonation of Brad Roberts, the lead singer.
Mind you, I really only bust it out after I've smoked a couple ciggies and had a few joints. The smoke on my throat is great, as far as roughing up the vocal chords go. Does wonders, actually.
But I've yet to really show what I'm capable of. I would do it during karaoke, but not unless I was pretty drunk or on some kinda drug.
So maybe when I move back to town, some people might get lucky enough to see what I'm talking about.
hahahaha yeah... right... "lucky enough". I speak as if I'm the second coming of Johnny Cash.
So yeah, the Dummies.
One of my favorite bands. I was lucky enough to see 'em in concert back in '99, and.... well.... I was a little disappointed. Roberts was pretty drunk throughout most of the set, and they didn't even do AFTERNOONS AND COFFESPOONS!! WHAT THE FUCK?? That's like going to see... who... Katy Perry, and her not singing "I kissed a girl".
And most of the set was accoustic.
The saving grace was when they did a really fucked version of "Hit me baby (one more time)" by Britney Spears, for the encore.
Yep, you read that right. They covered Britney Spears.
All in all, it wasn't bad. I got to see (at least one of) my musical heros perform.

Green Day and KoRn are next on the list.
Green Day, because if it weren't for them, I probably wouldn't be who I am today. They've defined me as a person for nearly fifteen years. Paranoia, chronic masturbation, and marijuana.
KoRn, because I can indentify with the anger Jon Davis writes about.
I've never had anyone try to fuck me that I didn't want, I've never been abused by family members...
But I was picked on.
And KoRn gave me a place I could go to where those assholes would pay for picking on me. When I write fiction, I play KoRn. They takes me to a very very dark place, and I love it.
KoRn brings out my intrusive thought process. I think bad things when I listen to them, and I put them onto paper.

I don't think I'd ever want to be in a mosh-pit (do people even still use that term? it was cool when i was a teenager, anyway) for a KoRn concert.
Green Day? Yes. No doubt. I'd be front row for those guys, with a bag full of joints.
You're crazy if you think I'd go to a Green Day concert and not get stoned off my ass. That'd be like havin' a shit and not wiping.


Well... I've got that out of my system. I feel a lot better now that I've had the chance to write. I mentioned Martin in my last blog, but I couldn't get in touch with him to get what he had to say up in time. Hopefully he'll be around later. I'm starting to like that guy.

Martin, in case you're wondering, is the guy who wrote that blog about killing people, which can be found on my profile. He's a fucked up dude.
But I don't need to speak about him here. I don't know if he'd like that very much. He's not that nice when he gets angry.

"What's my motherfuckin' name?"

As I've said many times before, certain music puts me in the mood to talk about certain aspects of my life.

Right now, I've got on some good ol' Snoop Dogg. Ain't no fun (if the homies can't have none), if you wanna know. It's old-school, as far as I'm concerned, and it's probably one of my favorite songs. As far as rap goes, anyhow. It's all about clockin' ass.

So what I got to thinkin' is this... There's a few different ways to describe.
Fuckin'
Screwin'
Makin' love.

They've all got good/bad points.
Maybe I shouldn't really get into great detail. Don't really think I want to. I would probably end up putting my foot in my mouth. I'm enough of a perv now as it is, without having to exacerbate that fact by talking about the difference between fuckin', screwin', and makin' love.

What's all this about sex? I think my sex drive is... hmm... lonely? Is that adequate? Maybe. I haven't kissed a girl in... well... a nice while. Haven't been on a date, haven't even hugged a member of the opposite sex.
I've got a high sex drive. Plain and simple. That's not to say I'm gonna fuck anything with two legs. But I want to at least make out with someone, man. Not just anyone.
I'm not saying I have anyone in particular in mind... Maybe I do. That's for me to know...
But I crave physical contact with the opposite sex. I love to kiss. Making out is an art for me... There's more than one way to get a girl off, and it's quite possible to do so without even touching lips.
It could start with a foot rub.
Could end with insertion.

But I'm a sensual person... If I touch a girl, I am gentle. Could be just a caress of the shoulders with my lips or fingertips. There's something to be said about taking time when one is with a lady. It heightens pleasure. Anticipation is what it's all about...
When one gets to the point where one just HAS to have that person...
Ya feel me?

Okay, enough of the sexy talk.

Journey is playing now, anyways...
Then again, this particular song will always remind me of that scene in "Monster" where Charlize Theron and Christina Ricci meet up in the bar and end up in the alleyway... If you've seen the movie, you know what I'm talking about.
God damn, that really was a hot scene. I think it's because I've had a crush on Christina Ricci since, like... god... when did The Addams Family movie come out? Since then.

Okay, off of that...
(off your mother)

Yes, I made a "your mother" joke. I find them funny.
I find a lot of things funny that most people don't. I once knew someone who I could sit down with and trade "your mother" quotes/jokes with forever. The first morning we spent together, we sat across the table from each other in the hotel room, sleep still in our eyes; drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes, just trading off insults. I remember everything. She had a fantastic sense of humor. I think that's what I miss most.

Man, if I ever manage to find myself a girl again, she HAS to have a dirty mind. A dirty sense of humor is key for me, because, well, I'm a pervert. In a funny sense, of course.

Laughter, in general, is key for me. I can't remember a time when I didn't laugh at something... Maybe while I was going through puberty. I was a fuckin' little cunt when I was 16.
But these days, I laugh at everything again.
I laugh at fart jokes.
Hell, I fart on my mother sometimes... mostly, it's for the reaction I get.

I think I'd be well-suited to a career on stage. I love love LOVE to get a reaction out of people. Most of the time I say anything at all is to get a reaction from people. I like to get that "what the FUCK?!" look from people. Sometimes it's for shock value, sometimes it's for laughter.
But you talk to anyone who knows me well, and they'll tell you that.
I will say ANYTHING.

There's no such thing as a brain/mouth filter with me. I find I can hold back (to a degree) with these blogs, and it's only because I have the power to edit what I say before I click on that all-important "publish post" button.
Like a very cool person said to me earlier today, though, "I feel safe behind my hands". It was something like that, anyhow.
What she was trying to say was that she's much more composed when she creates art. She's a painter, a musician, a mother, and a wonderful person. She, like me, sometimes has trouble and difficulty with the spoken word. She's a lot like me in a lot of ways, actually. I wonder if it's the fact that she's also six feet tall, also left-handed, and also a Leo.
Hmm...
So what I'm saying about that quote is that she, like myself, is more composed when creating art. She can express herself with her talent.

Artists, true artists, are a different breed. A lot of people don't get it.
Yeah, I'm an artist. My art is my word. It is my gift to the world.

It's up to you what you do with my gift. Share it. Tell people about it.
It's somewhat of a fair representation of who I am, but I don't tell all my secrets here, as open as I tend to be.

For instance, I'm not gonna tell you about that one time I... umm.... yeah. There's plenty of those times.

Alright, I'm goin' down to South Park again.

Also, expect another entry in Martin's blog on Saturday. I think he's ready to tell you about his second victim.

"Peace could last forever"

Dear America,
You finally got it right. You got rid of that piece of shit war-monger. It's about damn time someone in that country stepped up and did the right thing.
Barack Obama is an inspiration for me. He has been from day one. If you want to feel inspired, look no farther than this man. He is such an eloquent speaker. He knows what he's talking about. Obama believes in being firm and fair. I think he'd have a beer with you just as soon as he'd strike you down if you do something wrong.
And that's the kind of man America needs to lead them. Firm, but fair.

George W. Bush did nothing but pump fear into the hearts of americans. For the whole eight years he was in charge, the entire country lived in fear. If you wanna look at famous (and i use that word very lightly) terrorists, look no farther than Dubya. Asshole. Fucking cunt. Douchebag.

Thank you for stepping up and doing the right thing, Barack Obama.


Okay, on to something different. I'm in the mood to be really opinionated today. It's been a few days since I posted here, and I figure my adoring public has been chomping at the bit to hear what I have to say.
Yeah, call me full of myself, but I have a talent for writing. I like to put words to paper.
I don't necessarily always know what I'm talking about, but god damn, I make it seem so.

Online dating sites... What's the good of 'em? If you ask me, nothing. They're nothing more than a means to clock some ass, if you really want to know. When I see some people I know, and am familiar with, on that site, I feel nothing more than pity. Certain people who radiate love, compassion, intelligence, talent, beauty... They have no need to belittle themselves by having a profile on certain websites. I'm not naming names, nor am I going to point fingers. But people should just let things go as they are.
YOU ARE TOO GOOD FOR THAT.
Wait now, how does Matthew know about said profiles even being in existance?

Well, I'm guilty of having a profile on such a site, myself. And to be honest, I've since deleted my profile. Call my experience (if you will) just now an eye-opening one, but it made me realize that I personally don't need to have my face up there, trying to sell myself to the highest bidder.Yeah, I realize I'm being a little hypocritical here, but sometimes things just happen out of nowhere, and they change your perspective on things. This is one of those perspective changing events (for lack of a better term).

I'm happy these days. There's all sorts of sunshine in my life, and I owe alot of it to thinking positive thoughts. It's not as easy as one might think, but nothing good ever comes easy. Never did, and never will. But my life is becoming enriched in a way I never thought possible.
The positivity is as a direct result of quitting smoking both cigarettes and marijuana. Well, I haven't completely quit smoking pot, as I imagine if I were at a party I would partake of the herb.
But as far as casual smoking goes, I'm done. Kaput. It's no longer an issue with me.
The difference in my thinking is amazing.

Hmm.... I wouldn't call it a difference in thought process. Wrong choice of words. But the clarity of my thoughts is amazing. I can't tell you how much of a difference it's made. I no longer walk around covered by a cloud. The rain of indifference no longer falls upon me.

Pot is a wonderful thing, when used properly. And again, I don't expect people to agree completely with me on this. There are people who are simply too ignorant and close-minded to see where I'm coming from.
Yet they have no problem going out and getting shitfaced on booze.
I call those people hypocrates. MAJOR f*ing hypocrates.

It's a little windy in Gander today, but that's cool. I don't mind the wind... As a matter of fact, I've always been a fan of it. I really like strong, violent weather. There's something so powerful about the natural beauty of earth, and everything is has to offer.
Man-made wind machines ain't got nothin' on a natural summer's breeze. Tanning salons don't compare to the life-giving sun.
For one to say they don't like nature is to say they've got no soul. We, as human beings, are of the earth. We came from this planet, as a direct result of evolution. No one put us here; we didn't magically appear. Woman didn't come from the rib of a man.
To see people constantly desecrating the planet is disheartening. (big words? only to a small mind. open your mind)
It makes me sad. It really and truly does.

When I lived in town a couple of years ago, I'd go to my special spot in the woods, smoke a joint, and just take in nature. I'd sit in the midst of the forest, and I would feel at one with the planet. I'd turn off my mp3 player, and listen to the silence. Nothing but the chirp of a bird, the cautionary squeal of a squirrel, or the push of the wind.
That may seem a little stoner-ish, and maybe it is. But I truly felt at peace with myself when I felt at one with the planet. And I can honestly say those feelings weren't induced by pot, because whenever I see the trees, whenever I feel the wind blow, whenever I look at the night stars, I feel the earth.
It's a peaceful feeling.
It's an amazing feeling.

I recommend to anyone reading this to try what I speak of. Find your special spot in the woods, and let the planet do the rest.

"I need some time off from that emotion; time to pick my heart up off the floor"

I gotta have faith-uh-faith-uh-faith.


I love that song... Both versions. George Micheal AND Limp Bizkit... and obviously for different reasons. I dig 'em both as artists. Some might argue my classification of Limp Bizkit as artists, but they make decent music. It's good to write to sometimes.
But KoRn is what gets me going when I want to write fiction. I'm pretty proud of my new posting in the "Storytime" blog (it can be found if you check out my profile here)... I put a bunch of KoRn songs on repeat last night and just let 'er rip. I know it needs a bit of refinement... I haven't written fiction in so long. But the dark tone, the murder, the graphic-ness of it, that's what I've been trying to get out for so long. I just had to write last night. And KoRn helped me.
What I wrote, however, is going to be part of an ongoing project. Call it a fictional blog, if you will. It's a perfect outlet for my intrusive thoughts. It'll only get better. Like I said, I'm proud of it. You may not be, and that's cool. But keep in mind, the "black bugs" part was the first time I've written fiction. Give me some time. I doubt Stephen King's first story would sell millions of copies.
Yes, I just compared myself to Stephen King.

So what's on the agenda for today? Nothing, really. It's this evening that I'm looking forward to. I'm gonna go check out that Revue thing that usually comes around this time of year with my mom. I've always wanted to check it out, and I guess this year I'm gonna get my wish. It's supposed to be pretty funny, and laughter is something that's lacking in my life lately. I've watched a lot of South Park episodes online, but that's a different breed of humor altogether. Not everyone finds offensive humor funny. I do, but there's only so much one can take before it becomes stupid.
This Revue is gonna be funny. I know it's not gonna be ALL clean humor, but it'll be a nice break from what I usually check out. Who knows, I might be inspired to write about something other than gouging eyes out with one's own fingers.

Whatever happens tonight, I am not gonna let my talent go to waste. I take in everything I see. I'm always looking for inspiration for my writing... I guess that's why my interests cover such a wide area.

I'm looking forward to the injection of humor into my veins tonight. I'm going with my mother, too, which is gonna be strange. If you call it a date, I'll punch you in the crotch. It's not a date. I'll be hanging out with my mother. I think she's gonna enjoy it as much as I will. I get my sense of humor from her, but I think I may have taken "dark" to a whole other level. I'm a little disturbed when it comes to what I find funny. Like I said, my interests go far and wide.
Dad would be coming too, but due to his hearing impairment, he would not really enjoy the show. He's not completely deaf, but he just wouldn't enjoy the show at all. Me and mom, however, are gonna come away with guts-a-hurtin', from the laughter. I'm pretty excited, to tell you the truth. I haven't been to any kind of show in aaaaages.

That's something I'd like to check out when I move back into town. Plays, concerts, shows, you name it. I need to expand my mind (and not with acid). A good writer never stops paying attention to what's going on around him/her... always grow, grow all ways. Maybe I could find a nice girl out in town who'd be willing to accompany me on such excursions. But that's irrelevant, really. I've gotta focus on schoolwork and getting an education, first and foremost.
Girls are the last thing on my mind these days.