"What a fine mess I got myself into this time. Who'd have thought a guy like me could crumble?"

Seems like nearly all my blogs lately have something to do with some kinda music I enjoy...
Well, today's is no different.

I really dig Matt Dusk... For anyone who's not familiar, he is to Tony Bennett as Micheal Bublé is to Frank Sinatra. I don't expect most people reading this to really get the comparison I'm making, but trust me, it makes sense.
If it doesn't make sense to you, then I suggest you go download some Bennett, Sinatra, and Bublé. Oh, and Mr. Dusk, as well.
While you're at it, open up your mind and download Moonlight Sonata, as well. Why not throw in a little Dean Martin, too?

Okay, on to today's bitch-fest.
I went to the hospital today... I wouldn't call her a shrink... Maybe therapist is a more apt description. I don't really need/want to get into alot of detail, but I will say I came away from the meeting with two distinct and opposite feelings/opinions on the whole thing.
First of all, she put things into perspective for me. Maybe pot really was my problem for the last ten years. It wasn't until I started getting high all the time that shit really went downhill.
And while I've only been completely 100% pot-free for about two weeks, I do feel better.
I know, I know, I've pretty much already talked about that.
I dunno if I can completely put into words what I'm trying to get across here.

Secondly, if all meetings are going to be like the first one, then therapists are full of shit. She really told me things I already knew. She reinforced certain things I've been thinking about since I made the decision to try and get therapy/quit weed in the first place.

I'm going to be honest about something...
I'm only doing this to please my parents. After today, I'm only stronger in my belief that I don't really need professional help. I'm a little neurotic; there's no doubting that. But the world needs people like me. I don't want to get therapy if it means I'll "fit in with society" a little better.
I've stuck out like a sore thumb my whole life.
I'm comfortable (to a degree) with that. I like the fact that I'm different from everyone else.
I have no desire to "go with the flow" as far as life in the real world goes. Doing my own thing is more and more appealing as the days go by.

Of course, I realize I have to get an education. I've thought that to be necessary for ten years now. But pot has killed my motivation, and I'm slowly (but surely) gaining momentum again. I know that I'm not gonna get the kind of girl I want to attract if I'm doing the minimum wage thing for the rest of my life.
I'm better than that.
I'd like to find someone who has self-respect. Someone who's intelligent, but who's also down with "your mother" jokes. That kinda foolish humor.
Someone who can laugh at Family Guy, or even South Park.

Okay, stop the tangents, Matty...

I'm talkin' about education here. I know I need to at least get myself a degree... and majoring in linguistics, which is the plan, will help me greatly as far as the writing goes. I know I have a talent with this, and I can only go up from here.
I'll be the first to admit, I don't know exactly where I'm gonna end up after the degree is finished, but at least I'll be in a better place than I am now. I talked about teaching before; that is still an option.
If anyone can tell kids about the dangers of smoking pot, it's me. I know first hand how much bullshit it is when someone says "pot's not an addiction". It is.


Okayyyyyyyy I gotta stop talking about pot.
If I'm gonna talk about something I love that I'm not getting any of, it should be sex. At least sex is good for you.
Gotta be done right, now..
None of that makin' love stuff... Don't get me wrong, making love is amazing when you're with the one you love.

But so is fuckin'. That sweaty, tear up the bedsheets, bruising the thighs, screamin' for more, wake the neighbours kinda fuckin'. That's the stuff that burns calories.

Ahhh me need it.

Okay, enough of that.

Y'know what song just came on?
Lady in Red, by Chris DeBurgh. (is that spelled right?)
I'm gonna go now before I start off on another tangent.
There's only one person reading this that knows what I'm talking about, too. And yes, I'm crazy. But no, I'm not gonna forget about it.
When one sets of fireworks inside your heart by just making eyecontact with you.... no matter what transpires..... no matter how much time passes....
well....
that's just how things roll sometimes.

But yeah, I'm a little nuts.


Okay, good night for now. Oh, and Martin's gonna be around later. Watch out for him.