"I've been really tryin' baby; tryin' to hold back these feelings for so long"

Y'know what song breaks my heart?

Whitney Houston's "I will always love you". Not only does Ms. Houston have a beeeeautiful voice, but the song itself is heartbreaking. It's sad.
It touches me like not many songs do.
She's singing of an everlasting love that comes along once (if at all) in a lifetime. The song is about loving that one special person, and having to leave them. Or them having to leave you. Take it how you will. It's about having to leave the one you love with your heart, with your soul, with everything you have to love another.

And, well, while I don't quite take the song personally, I can empathize with whoever wrote the lyrics. I guess I can put myself into the position of the person "talking" in the song.

Empathy... That's something I've always been good at. I have a knack for putting myself into other people's shoes. I think it's a lost art, really. I can say to someone "I know what you're saying... I can understand where you're coming from", and sometimes they'll get all shitty on me and tell me I have no clue what they're talking about.
And for the most part, maybe they're right.
But empathy isn't living through another's experiences.
It's putting yourself into their situation, and feeling their emotions.

I think, because I'm a very emotional person myself, that I'm very sensitive to the emotions of others. As such, I'm happy when others are happy, and I'm sad when others are sad. If I'm in a general group of people who are in a good mood, I take that energy and increase it tenfold.

But as far as emotions go, I wear my heart on my sleeve. No one is ever gonna have to guess what's going on in my head, if I choose to hold them near and dear to me. Mind you, I tend to be very guarded. I am picky and choosy as to who I let near me. Trust is not something I easily give to just anyone.

I've always prided myself on my ability to judge character... I've gotten burned before, so this ability isn't something I've always been adept at. When I meet someone, I look in their eyes. If they smile when they make eye contact, I'm convinced they're a good person. That's all it takes for me to like someone, is a smile.
In this same respect, if the smile doesn't meet the eyes... if there's no emotion in the eyes, then (to me) there's generally some bullshit ready to fly.

The eyes tell a lot about a person. As they say, eyes truly are windows to one's soul. I think that's why, when I consider potential girlfriends, dates, lovers, etc., the first thing I notice is eyes. Eye color has never been a big factor for me. It seems like I've mostly dated blue-eyed ladies.

But ain't nothing melts my heart like big brown eyes. Brown or hazel.
I literally get weak, and butterflies float into my belly when I see brown or hazel eyes on a pretty lady.

I've got on some Bruce Springsteen again... "Secret Garden" is the name of the song. Familiar with it? I highly recommend you download it and give it a listen. If you can't download, I'm sure someone has a video of it posted somewhere on YouTube.

Why all the lovey dovey stuff tonight, you ask? Why would he write all this stuff again, when he only spoke of what he holds in his heart earlier today?

Well, that's pretty much all I have in my heart, is lovey stuff. Yeah, I've been burned, bruised, my heart has melted and then frozen. But if I can't learn from that bullshit I've been through, then what's the point of having been hurt in the first place? I'm stronger for it.
I'm better prepared to give my love to someone when it finally happens again.


Speaking of giving my love to someone, I got to thinking about sex again tonight.
Surprise surprise. Matthew Baker thinks about sex.

Let me explain... I haven't "got any" since around Christmas time. While I enjoyed, there's no harm in saying that there's no chance of a relationship there. We both knew what was up.

But it left me feeling empty. I don't like that empty feeling. There's been too many times where I've come away from such encounters feeling empty... So I'm done with it. And as far as "the alternative to sex", well, I'm going to make an attempt to give that up for awhile, too. To be perfectly honest, I do that waaaaay too much for my own good, too. I haven't missed a day since I moved back to Gander.
Maybe this is something to give up for lent. Go fourty days without an orgasm?
Umm... maybe the pot did cause permanent brain damage.

Is it necessary for me to have said that?
Well, maybe not.
But I am who I am. I'm nothing, if not brutally honest.

Speaking of lent, I don't know if I should even consider "celebrating" it in the first place. I have said something about this before, but not in great detail. I'm not a religious person. I don't need religion. Going to church isn't something I necessarily agree with, y'know. I was born and raised Roman Catholic, I went to confession, recieved communion, got confirmed, etc... All the trimmings included on the catholic dinner plate.
But I do not agree with it.
Not catholicism specifically, but organized religion as a whole. I've done plenty of reading, and have come to the conclusion that I don't need to pray to any one specific god.
If I just live my life doing good deeds, and pay my respects to those who deserve it, then I will be happy.

That's all I want for myself, and that's all I want for anyone in and around my circle of life.

A nice little family wouldn't be too bad, either. A good, caring wife... Someone who loves me as much as I love her, and maybe two children. Twins would be really cool, albeit a little confusing. I have a feeling if I were to ever have twins, they'd end up playing many many many tricks on me.

But that's cool. I'm fine with that. One of the roles of a father is to make sure his children are happy and content.
And being a father is one role I cannot wait to fill. The thought of it excites me almost as much as finally finding that one special lady and making her my wife.