"I used to have demons in my room at night"

Man, I love Annie Lennox. Her voice is beautiful.
Haunting.

It just grabs you. Well, if it doesn't, you're probably one of those people that think Madonna's a fucking genius. If you wanna know what song of Annie's I'm listening to, just type in the heading for this blog into Google, and d/l the song that you're sure to find.

I can't give away everything all at once. I wanna make you work for it, ya know. Keeps things interesting that way.

I've been spending a lot of time outside lately. Walking, reading, what have you. The snow is finally off of the patio... Now for someone who's never seen my patio, you can't quite appreciate what I mean when I say I have the most awesomest patio of all time. It's not high up. There's just a hell of a lot of space. My back yard is perfect... I really wish I knew how to use HTML properly, because I'd put up a few pictures of my back yard before I leave. (hopefully for the last time)

My parents have put a LOT of work into it. The trees that dad planted twenty years ago are now f*ing massive. Instead of the fence that was between our house and the neighbors on both sides, we now have trees. It's beautiful. There's quite a bit of land, and if I could, I'd like to go out on a limb and say that this house is probably the nicest on the street. I dunno about inside, because I've only been in three or four of 'em. But as far as landscaping goes, my parents have it in the bag.

Speaking of my parents, I'm gonna miss them when I move. A lot. They have done more than their fair share of putting up with me. I am a lot to handle... And I hope anyone that decides they'd like to get involved with me realizes this. I'm not something that's gonna come easy. (get your mind outta the gutter)
My parents have cared for me more than any parent should have to. They've put up with such bullshit from me, and for that alone, they deserve an award.
Maybe me getting a degree is reward enough. I don't know. I know they do want me to succeed. They want me to do well for myself.
But most importantly, they want me to get the fuck outta the house.


But y'know, I wasn't ready for it back in 1999. I would have went out and failed. I know deep in my heart I was not ready. This year... 2009... this is different. It's my time to shine, and I'm gonna blow you all away. Trust me on this one. I've got the drinking/smoking/etc. out of my system. It's done. Sure, I'm likely to get on a big fuckin' tear once in awhile. It's a verrry big possibility I will be drinking my arse off at least once this semester. And if I wanna smoke a couple joints while doing it, I will. The every day joint smoking is nothing more than a skeleton in my closet now, and with some hard work, that skeleton will soon turn to dust.


Speaking of hard work, I've been hard at work in getting myself into shape. I think it's finally starting to pay off. The jeans I bought back in September (at Julie's advice) were becoming quite tight on me. When I first put 'em on, I needed a belt. There was no way I could put 'em on without them falling over my hips.
But y'know something? A month ago, I could hardly put them on. I went about a month without even knowing where my belt was, because I simply didn't need it. I'd go so far as to say I was over 200 lbs. However, I've been doing a lot of walking, pushups, and crunches.
And it's finally starting to pay off. I'm never gonna look like John Cena. I don't want to. That's just gross. But I do wanna be fit... And, like I said, it's happening. Quitting smoking was probably one of the best things I ever could've done. The fact that I gained nearly twenty five pounds does suck, but I imagine at least fifteen of that is gone in the last month or so. I hope, anyway.
I can finally see my dick when I stand up in the shower. That's great news!!


Y'know, I still can't get St. John's off my mind. From the minute I saw it in the rearview mirror back in December, I've been dreaming about moving back. My colossal clusterfuck of a failure was nothing more than a blessing in disguise. It showed me that the life I was living just wasn't worth it. It was not working for me. Not anymore.

Okay, enough about the past. I am letting go of it, starting now. It's all about the future from here on in, and man oh man, my future is looking bright.
I am very very excited for what the next five or so years have in store for me. Hell, I'm excited for what the rest of my life has in store for me.

I'm fucking pumped.