"Same old song. Just a drop of water in an endless sea"

Sometimes I think I pee too much.

Is it normal to take a leak at least once an hour? It's not like I drink an excessive amount of liquids... Just my OJ and coffee for breakfast, milk for lunch, and water for supper. That's pretty much it.
Yet I piss all the f*ing time. I mean, it'd be fine if I were a heavy drinker. Then I'd have an excuse. The thing is, it's not like I'm pissin' for hours when I do go. Oftentimes, it's not even enough to fill a shot glass.

Oh well, it's not like the first thing you people wanted to read about was my pissin' habits, so onward we shall go.

It's another excellently beautiful day in Gander. I'm looking out the window from the basement now, and all I can see is blue sky (and the trees that dad planted back in 1989). Ohhhh my, how I've longed for sunshine and warm days, both figureatively and literally. The months spent in Gander, since I left St. John's, have been the longest months of my life. That's not an exaggeration. I've managed to change who I am, though, so it's not as if the time was ill spent.

I've had plenty of time to reflect on the last ten years. To think about what's important to me. To get the skeletons out of my closet. I've managed to do a decent job, I'd like to think.

And now it's onward to a completely new era in my life. The era in which I'm going to be a productive member of society. I'm about ten years behind most of the people my age, but it seems that it's always taken me a little more time to catch on.
I wonder if it's because I want to be 100% sure that I'll do what I gotta do the right way? Am I half-retarded?
Maybe a little of both. I dunno.

But yeah, about the schooling. It's gonna be different. It'll be nerve-wracking. But I am gonna do a better job than anyone could possibly expect of me. It seems like everything over the last 28 (soon to be 29) years has been leading up to this point. May can't come soon enough. And then September will be soon thereafter.

I say May, because that's when I'm moving back to (what i feel is) my home.
St. John's.
The most beautiful city in the world, in my opinion.

I probably already mentioned it, but I've got me a little spot in Churchill Square. It comes furnished. It's expensive. There will be no television.
But it'll be mine. No one living with me, no landlord above me, no roomies.
Just me.
Myself.
I.

And man oh man, I can't wait. I can spend the summer attempting meditation, yoga, etc. I'm gonna get myself fit, as if the last month or so hasn't been a good start. I mean, the pushups and crunches have helped, I ain't gonna lie 'bout that.
But I need to center myself from a mental standpoint. I can't really do that here, because I'm never constantly alone. And in my new pad, I will be. I kinda look forward to it, really. I've always been one who's treasured his privacy. I can't concentrate to the point doing successful meditation here in Gander.

Speaking of being alone, that's what I am this weekend.
Alone.
Mom 'n dad went out to Stephenville Crossing to celebrate Easter with the family. You may be wondering why I chose not to go.
Well, I needed to get away from my parents. From people. From everyone. I dig alone time, and I have not gotten any since some time in mid-December.

That's not to say, of course, that I don't welcome the possibility of waking up next to someone every day for the rest of my life. I know that one day it's gonna happen, and I look forward to that. I dig closeness.

But at this point in my life... on this stage which I now stand... well, I need to be alone with myself. I don't know if I'm quite ready to open myself to someone yet. Or maybe I am.
I'll know when the time comes.

Man, I just wanna make out with someone, though.
No, not sleep with 'em... I just want to kiss someone. A kiss potentially has more power than a nuclear bomb, if done right.
I'm not gonna waste mine on just anyone.

That may sound a bit strange, coming from anyone who knows me well. I used to be a little loose with my lips (and consequently, my pants)... But this kinda ties in with what I said earlier. I've spent a lot of time reflecting on the last 28 years of my life (specifically the last ten)... I was pretty much on a war path of self-destruction. But I feel like I'm turning that corner, and just givin' myself up to anyone at all simply will not happen any more.



So when are you gonna get out of my dreams and into my car?