"I try to say goodbye and I choke"

Okay, now it's my... umm.... I think the proper word for 'em is "lats", or at least that's as close to it as I can get.
Those muscles that are just under your armpits, near the back.

They're starting to hurt now.


Fucking pushups are a bitch, man. But it just says to me that I'm not in nearly as good shape as I should be, at twenty eight years of age.


It's sunny in Gander again. I really really really am a huge fan of the nice weather. I'm also jealous of the east coast. You fuckers have next to no snow, and here I am in central with a pile of it on my front lawn almost as tall as I am. Ohhhh do I long for the day when snow no longer falls wherever I happen to lay my head at night. I can honestly say I hate snow. I don't like it. I don't like the cold, I don't like the chill I get when my hands touch snow. It's comparable to vomit. I just don't like it. If I could live in a place like... I dunno... Texas... maybe California... Florida... I dunno. Shit, even Australia...
Yeah, if I could live in one of those places, I'd be completely satisfied. I don't wanna "make it big". I just want to make a living, and do what I love doing.
Which, if you haven't picked up on it by now, is writing.

Speaking of writing, I was struck with inspiration for a pretty fucked up story during a dream, the other night. I don't want to give a lot of detail, because I just don't want anybody stealing my idea. Not like anyone could copy what I'm capable of, anyhoo.
I know I'd have to do a lot of research, but it's pretty much stuff I already know. I just need to refresh my memory on a few facts.

The basic idea is a story explaining how Jesus Christ is actually Santa Claus. Obviously, it's gonna be fiction. I don't think I'd be able to present something like that as actual fact, because it's not true. I'd also probably get shot for trying to present such an absurd idea, as well.
But that's all I'm gonna say about it in public. The name of the story (and it might end up being a novel. i dunno. the idea, she's still a fetus) would be "Jesus Claus". I'm not exactly aiming for humor, but ya never know. I'm also not fearful of anyone I might offend. Like Eric Bischoff said, "controversy creates cash".

Speaking of offensive, if you like reading sexy stuff, then I recommend you pick up "Santa Steps Out". It's about how Santa used to be a big ol' slut back in the day, and had an affair with the Tooth Fairy. So eventually Mrs. Claus finds out, and she has an orgy with Santa's elves. She also fucks the Easter Bunny. Somehow the Tooth Fairy gets pissed off with the Easter Bunny, and she rapes him. Oh, and it explains how the Tooth Fairy gets her coins to place under your pillow. She eats your teeth, and somehow her digestive tract turns bone into coins. So she shits out your money.

I kid you not. This is a real book. Lindsay, you know what I'm talking about... I'm pretty sure you read it too, didn't you?

And no, I'm not high. I'm not making that book up. But stuff like that is interesting. I'm fascinated by dark and mysterious and demented stuff like that. Can't wait to study psychology when I start up at MUN. People like Ted Bundy, Jeffrey Dahmer, even Charles Manson... they intrigue me. I'm not saying I'd ever follow suit and tear open a human being, kill them, eat them; what have you. I get nauseous when I see bodily fluids that aren't mine.
But I want to know how the mind works. What makes a sick fucker like John Wayne Gacy tick? I also think studying psych would help with my writing. Hell, theology would help with writing. Anything I read is food for my mind.


As good as I feel about myself today, I still feel like something's missing. I've been having some really good/happy days lately, and I don't want to stop it. This feeling is great. It really is. But there's just an emptiness I can't put my finger on. I guess if I put too much thought into it, I'll end up stuck on it, and obsess over shit that doesn't need to be obsessed over.

So is anyone watching American Idol this go 'round? The "final 13" started performing last night for the first time, and man oh man, there are some people you've gotta look out for. Adam Lambert has got to be one of the best singers I've ever seen on the show, bar none. He's the gothic-looking dude, if you're not good with names. There's also a 16 y/o chick named Allison who's an amazing singer... She actually kinda reminds me of Lindsay. Very powerful voice. Very soulful singer.
And... hmm...Alexis somethingorother. A tiny little blonde chick. She's someone to watch out for, too.


Okay, time for me to go. I need to brush my teeth.