"When I was young I knew everything"

It's funny how certain songs make me a little introspective.

You know what I mean.
Some songs from back when you were young that remind you of, well, being young.

Songs like "The Freshmen". I do believe I was about 17 or 18 when this song was released. It's funny, y'know, to think about that. It seems like it was an entire lifetime ago.
Back then, things were so much simpler. I didn't have to worry about anything. Back then, I did know everything.
What made me so fearful of everything?



Before I start to feel sorry for myself, I'm gonna talk about something different.


Sometimes all I want to do is talk about girls. To be honest, that's what I think about 75% of the time. Hey, I am a dude. But it's not like I want all girls.
I want one girl.

One that's not gonna feed me bullshit about how she wants to spend the rest of her life with me, then when things get a little emotionally heavy, run away like a scalded dog.
Is that really too much to ask?

Yeeeah, being burned (in an emotional sense) really sucks...

And you might say to yourself, why can't you just get over it? This happened well over a year ago!! Well I am over it. But sometimes when I get into a certain frame of mind, I can't help but think about the one time I feel like I've been had. The one time someone actually got one over on me, in an emotional sense.

No, I'm not angry with this particular person. In a way, I guess you could say I'm thankful. Without her, I never would've known what it was like to truly have your heart broken. I now know how to be more careful with my heart.

Something long and truly lasting doesn't come easy. It doesn't just happen. I was foolish to have given my heart over so easily when it happened. I was stupid to trust someone so blindly.


Ahhh so now that that's done 'n over with, I have to focus on positive things. My blogs have been lacking positivity as of late. Even a blind man could see that (if he could read).

However, like I said in a recent blog, I have things to look forward to when I move out to town. I don't think it makes sense to get too detailed here, because that has always backfired. And I just simply cannot take more pain in my heart. It's healed and full again, and I'm happy in a sense, but it's a very fragile thing as a result of past instances.

If I'm gonna let someone into my world now, she's gonna have to realize that it won't come easy.

Trust is a big thing with me, and I just can't blindly trust anyone any more. I'm going to be weary of everyone I date, whether they're as genuine as Jesus, or not. That's just how it goes when one's heart is smashed up real good.


I just can't wait to get back into town again. I really can't. I really really really can't wait to move back into the city, and go to the Stump and sing karaoke. I look forward to making blanket forts.
I'm excited about visiting Water Street on a hot summer day.

Y'know what I really miss? I talk about it all the time, I know, and you're possibly sick of reading it, but I miss little tiny things about being in a relationship.
I miss holding hands.
I miss linking arms, if it's a little chilly out.
I miss watching movies and stealing kisses.


I'm so ready to start dating again.

But there's also a part of me that doesn't want to just date. There's part of me that just wants to jump headfirst into something so blindly and care-free. I've always worked like that, and it's never really worked out in my favor in the long run. Maybe it's dumb faith that keeps me going... Maybe the next time, maybe this time, it'll be different.

Who knows?


I gotta go now... the sun is very warm today, and it's beating down on me like a hammer. I think I may hop into the shower. I stink.