"Come on, come on... turn a little faster. Come on, come on... the world will follow after"

It's funny what a good night's rest will do after a nasty hangover.

I was ridiculously hard on myself yesterday. I don't need anyone to tell me that (not that anyone did). But I just felt like real shit. I guess that's it when one deals with depression and self-medicates with marijuana.


But today... well, I won't say I feel like a million bucks. Maybe half a million. I'm just not down in the dumps. Really now, what's the point? Where is wallowing in self-misery going to get me? It'll only drive away people that I need near me.

What kinda people are those? I need supportive people. I need others to be tough on me, so I don't destroy myself. I need to save my energy for rebuilding my core. I've tore myself down for too long; I can't be at it anymore, because eventually I'll tear away at those who really do care. Hopefully at least one of you who reads this blog on a semi-regular basis is one of those people.


So I spent alot of last night reading about Saturday Night Live... Ooooh, that's interesting. Hahaha well to me, it is. I love reading. I've said that to just about anyone who's ever listened to me talk. Reading helps me from being lonely. One may argue that if I love reading so much, then why not read something that's worthwhile to read? Well, the history of SNL is important to me. I love the show. I watch it just about every week. I remember some of the very first episodes of Adam Sandler, Amy Poehler, Tina Fey, and Will Ferrell, just to name a few. I've been watching the show since Mike Meyers and Dana Carvey have been on the show, for cryin' out loud!! Some people think it's pure shit, and in all honesty, sometimes it isn't that great.
But that's what faith is all about. Faith and devotion. You stick with things when they're not that great, and eventually things get better.

I guess that could kinda tie into my life, and where it's going. I've got faith that, even though it's been pretty shitty the last couple of years, my life will get better. I'm finally going back to school after a ten year absence. On the off chance that I haven't mentioned it here before (and i just may have done so, but my STM is gone to shit from all the pot), I have chosen the path of high school teacher. If it sounds like I don't completely know what I'm talking about, well, I don't know... I'm not sure of the terminoligy involved with this, but... well... that's what I want to do. Teaching.
I know I mentioned something about not making a difference in anyone's life up until this point in my life. Well maybe I have, maybe I haven't. I don't know.
But teaching is a good and direct way to do so. Some teachers have made a great difference in my life, and I aspire to be like them. Some of my favorite people are teachers. Some of my favorite peers are teachers.


Ever heard of Duffy? Not me. Not until yesterday, when I saw her name come up on the list of musical guests on SNL. So of course, me being who I am, I did a little b/g research and downloaded some songs. I really dig her. I think it's because she's got this kinda melodic retro 60's vibe. Unless it's all studio magic, she's a decent singer. She's no Leona Lewis or Christina Aguilera, but she can carry a tune. If I could compare her to a singer from the 60's, I'd probably use Petula Clark as an example. If you don't know who she is, well, I won't be completely surprised. No biggie.

Okay... I'm gonna take off there now. I'm getting very distracted by various things in the room. That's one thing I need when I write; peace and motherfucking quiet. Sure, the music isn't much quiet, but it's peaceful. Be it Louis Armstrong's "Wonderful World", or Nirvana's "Rape Me", music puts me in the mood to write. It's when people try to talk to me (in person or MSN), that kinda irks me. My concentration is bad enough as it is, and it never really helps when I get interrupted.

Gonna go read me some words about Yoga.