Man, if you want inspiration, look no farther than the Inaugural Address this past Tuesday. Barack Obama is a powerful man... He's inspirational... He's one hell of a guy.
He almost makes me wish I could be a resident of the US. Seriously. From the moment he "took the mic" on Tuesday afternoon, to the moment he left the stage, I was riveted to the television.
Unless you're a complete douche-bag, there's no way you watched history unfold on Tuesday and not be affected in one way or another.
Okay, I don't really need to go any farther with this issue. I don't. Simple as that. I'm sure anyone reading this has heard enough about Obama by now.
Alrighty... What's all the news with me lately? I'm still playing the waiting game. There's nothing f*ing worse than doing so, either. All I've been doing is sitting on my ass, waiting to hear back from:
A) MUN
-and-
B) The shrink
I don't like it. My patience is kinda running a little thin, if you really want to know. The quitting smoking thing ain't going so well. Not as well as I would like, anyhow.
To be honest, it's going downright shitty. I want a cigarette right now, as I type this. In all honesty, I'm probably going to go out for one as soon as I finish typing up.
The weed, however, that's a different story. I've finally got a handle... some control, if you will... on it. Ehhhh.... I don't know if I'll ever have complete control over it. But I don't consider it to be an issue in my life anymore.
For anyone that says pot's not an addiction, I have one thing to say to you:
Go fuck yourself.
It's been my worst enemy for ten years. I have used it as a crutch for so long that the crutch is becoming to big and cumbersome to carry around. I should never have fallen into the hole in the first place; I'm an intelligent person. I have a higher than average IQ. But god damn, I love to get high.
And because of that, I've been ruined. I guess there's still time to save myself, however. I do have faith.
If it weren't for a series of events that unfolded last year, who knows where I'd be now?
It's funny what meeting just one person can do to the rest of your life... That one person had the power to bring me higher than I've ever been, in any emotional sense imaginable. Just as quickly, said person brought me down to my own personal hell.
I want to get back to that emotional high. I know it's possible... With her? Not very likely.
I said to a friend not long ago that I think everyone should have their hearts broken at least once in a lifetime. It's the only way, as far as I am concerned, to truly appreciate what one's got. To have it all, at least in an emotional sense, and then have it ripped away.
I'm changed as a result of it happening to me. I tend not to see things in a negative sense anymore. I try my best to be positive. Some books I've read have helped me out alot.
But I've already talked about alllllll of that.
Y'know what I don't get?
What makes people change.
What makes people tick.
I think I should study philosophy. Maybe I will when I go back to MUN this September. The more I think about it, the less likely it is I'll be there for the summer semester. It's gonna take awhile to prepare for it all.
But man oh man, I am excited. Might be eleven years late in starting, but I'm finally going to do it.
And now that it's down here on paper, I'm only going to look like a fool if I don't come across.
I try my best to stay true to my word...
If I say I'm gonna do something, I do my best to do it.
I've fucked up before, and I'll be the first one to admit my faults. But like I said up above, a broken heart can change a man. A woman.
Broken hearts rule the world.
I want to be a better person, because... Well... I had something so great once, and I lost it because I was a colossal fuck up. Well, that's how I see it. I don't think it was any fault of *youknowwho* . I still think the sun shines out of her ass, if you really wanna know.
Hmmm.....
Okay, stop it, Matthew.
Alright, I'm gonna go out for that cigarette now.... There are far too many distractions going on here. I can't concentrate on a god damn thing. Even though I've got my headphones on, and MSN on "busy", some people still insist on trying to talk to me.
fuck
right
off.
Yep, I was in a good mood, but in all honesty, I'm not now. I'm kinda pissy.
Everyone has a bad day, y'know. My good days are just 'round the bend.
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