"We started makin' out, and I took off my pants"

Where's my asian friend?

NOWHERE!!! I don't have any friends in Asia. What's wrong with you? I know ONE person in ALL of Asia, and she's from Newfoundland. Springdale, to be a little more precise.


So I go the ball rolling today with the rest of my life. I called the hospital and got myself an appointment set up with the mental health department. More specifically, with addictions. I can only hope this is the key that'll open the door which will lead me to happiness.

I know I've got a wellspring of positivity within me, but there's long been something that has held me back... Something that has killed my motivation. I've always known what it was, but I've been afraid to give it up. I don't know what life would be like without it. I have relied on fucking pot for so long, that walking around without that crutch might be a little difficult.
I guess that's where the addictions counseling will come in.
Am I a little excited? Yep.
Am I a little nervous? Most definitely. You can bet your life I'm nervous... but at the same time, I hold complete confidence that I'll be fine.

It's funny how I can say that, and believe it. My writing is the only thing in life I've got confidence in. I can lose myself within my words, and not be concerned at all with the outside world.
Maybe this is my new drug.

When I'm sitting here with my headphones on, nothing else in the world exists. Just me, the music, and the words. I'm not afraid of what I put onto paper.

When it comes to the spoken word, however, it's a completely different thing. You put me in front of a girl with brown hair and pretty brown eyes, and I turn to mush. If she sings/plays piano, even worse.
I've always been a nervous wreck around members of the opposite sex. You wouldn't think that's the case, given how I speak here, and I'm sure there's a couple people reading this now who might be inclined to disagree with me...
But when it comes to actual face time, it's a different story. I guess it's because I try to say too many things at once. Maybe it's because I speak first, think later. That usually always gets me into trouble. I've never been good at dealing with women.
And again, sometimes I AM good with it... But not if I feel intimidated/outclassed. I'm usually the dominant one in a relationship, and if someone is just as much of an attention seeker as I am, I tend to revert into myself.
I'm just comfortable being in charge, that's all. I don't like not having control.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not a control freak when it comes to relationships. Not at all. I would never dream of trying to tell someone what they could wear, etc... But... ahh... it's hard to explain. Even here, with the written word, I can't come up with the right way to explain what I mean.
Women/girls/ladies/chicks... They've always put me at a loss for words. ALWAYS.
ALWAYS.


Let's think about something different, shall we...

It's the start of a brand-new year... Which means we have twelve brand-new months to shape into our very own. We've all got a brand-new start.
So what are you gonna do with the next twelve months? Are you gonna sit around and be in the exact same spot in December?
Are you going to get over that broken heart?
Are you going back to school?
Am IIIIII going to still be living with my parents?
Am I going to finally be doing something with my life?


It's time to turn over some leafs.

The stone is rollin'. No moss will be gathered on this man.